Parenting: When troublemaking is not a phase

February 8, 2011 By Leave a Comment
Some elementary school counselors use books an...

Image via Wikipedia

The phone rings and it’s the principal on the line saying your child has been disrupting class, fighting, bullying, or lying. The call is one that many parents dread; giving them the sinking feeling they are raising a problem child.

The acts can be a sign of growing pains, but can also be an indicator of something more serious. Before jumping to false conclusions, it is time to put on your detective’s cap and delve into the situation by examining the child’s actions and what might be driving them.

Take a close look at the behavior:

  • How long has it been occurring?
  • Are there changes to the behavior?
  • Where is the bad behavior present?
  • What is the severity of the behavior?
  • Are there other contributing factors for the behavior?

Talk to those individuals that are around your child on a daily basis such as teachers, coaches, and other parents. Ask them if they have noticed any changes in behavior, situations you need to be aware of, or problems the child may have mentioned to them.

Most importantly talk to your child. Ask him if he is experiencing any problems, struggling with issues, and make him aware how this behavior is impacting him and others.

As a parent, be honest with yourself and admit that there is a problem when one is apparent. Make your child accountable for his actions by having him complete detention for disrupting class or receiving suspension for fighting with another student.

Don’t be too proud to ask for help. Start off by discussing behavior with the child’s teacher and school counselor and asking them for constructive feedback. If the behavior is uncontrollable, consider a child psychologist or psychiatrist for further evaluation. They will evaluate and determine if the child’s actions are signs of behavioral issues or underlying biological issues.

Learn to accentuate and reinforce positive behaviors, pro-social behaviors, and actions you want to see. Eliminate the negative behaviors by letting the child know you will not tolerate bad behaviors, discourage by emulating positive reinforces, and focus on one issue at a time.

Remember to have patience as it can take weeks before the old behavior stops and the new better behavior kicks in.

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: , ,

Parenting: Taming Temper Tantrums

February 3, 2011 By Leave a Comment

You are in a store with your toddler and her face turns red, she begins to scream, and other shoppers are staring at this spectacle. No she is not having a medical emergency; instead she is having a typical toddler tantrum.

Don’t despair as many a parent has beared witness to a scenario such as this one before. Often times the tantrum might also include kicking, hitting, crying, breath holding, and throw things.  They are common in children between the ages of one and four when the child is still learning how to communicate his feelings effectively.

Tantrums can be distressing to the parent, especially when they become regular and are extremely intense. This is the time the parent needs to determine what the cause is and how to stop them from occuring.

There are several reasons and triggers for tantrums:

  • Frustration
  • Test parental limits
  • Fatigue
  • Hunger
  • Mood
  • New environment

When the child begins to have a tantrum, instinct takes over and the parent will either want to immediately give in or beginning screaming themselves. Neither is a good solution.

Giving in to the child will give them the sense that everytime they behave in this manner they get what they want. While screaming only makes the tantrum worse. The best solution is to take a deep breath, calm yourself down, and try to gain control over the situtation. With a clear mind and calm demeanor firmly let the child know the tantrum is not an acceptable behavior.

If the child does not calm down and you know the tantrum is a ploy for attention, remain in control and don’t give in. This may mean you shop with a screaming child, but eventually they will learn and the tantrum stops. If the child is inconsolable, hold him tighly, murmur words of love and encouragement, but still firmly let him know you are in control and will not be giving in.

There are a few ways to control trantrums before they happen:

  • Avoid trigger situations
  • Maintain routines
  • Compromise
  • Praise child for good behavior
  • Give up some control
  • Distract and divert
Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: , ,

Parenting: Styles and Their Impacts

February 1, 2011 By Leave a Comment

A parent’s style of child rearing is based on his own individual experiences and influenced by culture and temperament. Parenting is an intricate endeavor that includes particular behaviors which work together and individually influencing a child’s outcome.

There are 4 types of parenting styles:

  • Authoritarian

A child is expected to follow stringent rules established by the parent and failure to do so results in punishment.  Authoritarians do not explain the reasoning behind rules, have high demands, and are not responsive to their children. They set strict rules to keep order, are very critical of the child when not meeting standards, and focus on bad behavior and correcting it versus focusing on positive behavior.

As a result, the child is obedient and proficient but has lower levels of happiness, self- esteem, and social competence.

  • Democratic

A child is expected to follow established rules and guidelines, but learn to be responsible and understand the consequences of their behavior. Democratic parents are responsive, listen to their child, are forgiving and nurturing when expectations are not met, and supportive and assertive rather than intrusive and restrictive. They provide clear and reasonable expectations for the child, explain why they require particular behavior, and concentrate on reinforcing good versus bad actions.

As a result, the child tends to be more happy, capable and successful then his peers.

  • Permissive

A child is not expected to follow any particular rules, have few demands, and is self-regulated.  Permissive parents give up the controls to the child, take on the role of friend instead of parent, are more responsive than demanding in nature, accept the child’s behavior whether good or bad, and seem indifferent to the misbehavior and getting involved.

As a result, the child often experiences problems with authority and ranks low in happiness and self-regulation.

  • Uninvolved

A child is given few demands, negligible responsiveness, and minimal communication by the parent. Uninvolved parents give the child his basic needs, but are detached from the child’s life.

This style is the lowest rank across all life domains resulting in a child with lack of self control, low self esteem, and less competency amongst peers.

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: , ,

Accepting and Nurturing a Child – Get Your Child Involved!

January 14, 2011 By Leave a Comment

As a parent, identifying with your child is a very important responsibility. Moreover, it is vital to be able to nurture and care for your child in the right manner. Along with these important standards that form part of the bond between a parent and child, realizing your child’s interests – and acting on them – is very important.

Interests that your child finds and develops throughout the course of his or her life are extremely vital. As a parent, you have a hand in this, where you can expose your child to certain aspects that will prove valuable as your child grows up.

Take for example an individual that is naturally analytic. At an early age, your child could be interested in science, perhaps, or develop a love for the game of chess. A chess board or microscope could be a great way for your child to explore not only these interests, but in that of developing skills that will help them in school and in life. If they’re too young to have a microscope, you might consider getting them a magnifying glass.

Creativity is another area that can be demonstrated at a young age. Certainly, those that go on to have music or acting in their career – or even at least in their interests – later in life show this interest at an early age for many. You could build a stage in your home if there is room and then purchase kids costumes for your child to perform, which is always a favorite for young ones (in fashion and dressing up!).

Of course, these are just a small fragment of ways to nurture your child according to their interests. Pay attention to how your child responds to music, the arts, science, and other areas of life. You could find something that your child will develop and love for the rest of his or her life.

Filed Under: Adoption Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Adopting an Addicted Child

January 5, 2011 By Leave a Comment

The decision to adopt is not one that any parent takes lightly. To open your life, home, and heart to a child that needs a caring home life is a choice that takes time. If the child you wish to fold into your family is struggling with an addiction, equipping yourself with knowledge on how to approach this new relationship is the best thing you can do.

Underlying factors surrounding childhood addiction may follow in a layered effect. Dealing with abandonment issues or low-self esteem may cause a child to seek escape from their situation. Peer pressure may also strongly come into play. The desire to fit in can be all the more important to a child who is without a concrete family.

Some children are unfortunately born to parents who are drug addicts. This places an array of developmental issues in their laps. Social interaction between the child and peers may be more challenging, placing them in a situation where peer pressure or feelings of isolation hold strong. To an adopted child, who may have been passed through foster care, the desire to be a part of a group can be overwhelming. If the child in question has been a victim of any form of abuse, self esteem issues or potential for depression may steer them towards addiction.

Drugs take a toll on the physical and emotional body. A child, still developing their physical and cognitive functions is at risk to develop mental health issues. Many mind-altering chemicals affect the body’s neurological system and directly interact with the brain. There have been many research studies that show a child’s cognitive development is greatly affected by their environment.

Placing the proper assistance at your reach is an invaluable key to understanding, as well as coping with, the struggles surrounding a child with an addiction. When seeking help, ask all the questions you need. You can find a lot of answers at TheCyn.com.

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Average Cost of Raising a Child

December 26, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Nothing in this world is more beautiful than settling down with the loved ones and starting the wonderful family life. Family gets its complete shape and happiness only with the loving children. Kids are the great blessings of a person’s life. To raise the children, the parents should have enough resources and the resources here mean cash.

Parenting is a little difficult task and while starting a family, the parents should get ready both financially and mentally. Large amount of money is required to be spent on children and so children are considered single most great expense in a family. The expenditure includes education, food, clothing, toys, and other necessary items. It is very important for the parents to manage money wisely for the children’s development in order to stay healthy and happy.

The cost of raising a child is determined from the birth until their age of 17. Every year, government determines the cost and it constantly varies. The average cost for raising a child is estimated based on six fundamental aspects such as healthcare, housing, food, education, childcare, and transportation. On an average, parents spend 16 percent of their total income for their child’s education and 17 percent on childcare.

It has been found that a family with more children tends to spend less than a family with single child. The reason is very simple, if there are more children, they share their toys, clothes and sometimes even their bedroom, and this saves a lot of money for their parents. Even, there are many schools that often provide some educational discounts for the siblings of the students study in their institution. It is always a good idea to save money early for the child and also the cost varies from country to country, sometimes one state to another.

Filed Under: Guidance & Advice Tagged With: , , ,

Understanding Permissive Parenting Style

December 23, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Permissive parenting style is one of the popular parenting styles that have received a lot of approval. Raising a child is very difficult and parents need to find a suitable style that suits their children. There are many styles and permissive is one among them. In permissive or indulgent style, no demands are imposed on the children when they grow up. Parents are completely responsible for their children’s wants and they have to spend quality time with their children.

In this style, parents do not control or teach their children to behave in an appropriate manner. There are pros and cons in this style and the upside of this type is that children learn to be independent and get ready to make their own decisions. The downside is that the child can become a spoilt brat. The parents shower their children with attention and love and never reprimand on their child behavior.

Parents following this style believe that the child should be given full freedom to take their own decision and as a parent they should strongly support them. There are no definite rules and parameters set in this type of parenting. The most negative effect of this style is that the child will not be able to differentiate between the right and wrong behavior and their parents too never correct them. Also, the children even think that the whole world will treat them in the same manner as that of their parents.

Often, children of this parenting style show tantrums and behave in an extremely outrageous manner. This particular style of parenting is very much suitable for introvert and shy kids as this help them in growing as an individual. This style is not suitable for rebellious kids. All types of parenting style have its own pros and cons, and it is very important to choose a style that suits their kids. As a parent, it is equally important to teach children their responsibly and behavior, other than showering them with love.

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: , , ,

Reviving the Art of Storytelling

December 21, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Storytelling is a valuable tool to add wisdom, joy, and happiness from one generation to another. This way, the history can also be saved. In olden days, parents tell their children some beautiful and informative stories before going to bed, and actively make them in to hear the stories. The parents never read stories from the books, instead tell stories. Reading stories from a book is very enjoyable and even children will be happy to see the beautiful and colorful pictures in the book.

But, memorizing a story to tell the children is a beautiful and dwindling art, and this is most important part of parenting. This art requires a lot of creativity and this also makes the children to develop the art of creativity, and most of the times, children’s love to see those beautiful expressions and actions of their parents.

It is not mandatory that the parents need to be creative and create their own story. It is the own style of the parents that fascinate the children. Therefore, parents can read the story first and prepare themselves and memorize it to tell the child. If the parents commit to tell their own story, then it is also very important to prepare and memorize before telling it to the children.

Memorizing is very important to avoid getting stumbled in middle of the storytelling. When telling a story, the parents should add the personality of their own in the story. Parents can use facial expressions and expressive gestures, can also be comedic and dramatic in the presentation, and even can use personality and emotions while telling the stories. It is a good practice to involve the children in the story. This way, the parents can encourage the children to sing, act, and make gestures that help in the child’s development.

Filed Under: Traditions Tagged With: , ,

How to Parent a Difficult Child

December 19, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Parenting a child is the most beautiful task that involves a lot of difficulties, especially with the difficult child. Here are few ideas and tips to deal with the difficult child. Parents should understand that every child throw tantrums and it is the part of their growing. If a child shows tantrum, then it does not mean that they are very arrogant and unpleasant child. When a child transfers from a baby to a toddler, they try to take control of their life.

Parents should not reward their child for bad behavior because the children start thinking that their temper tantrum works well and they will begin repeating the same then after. Also, parents should not react in a negative manner as this will again make a child to behave in a negative way. Most parents use spanking to discipline their child, but this is not a good idea and parents should stop it immediately.

It is very important for the parents to accept their child as they are. Parents should love and provide affection irrespective of their behavior. Loving the child is great way to improve the positive behavior of a child. Rather than concentrating too much on correcting the negative behavior of the child, parents can focus on the positive behavior of the child and support them to improve it.

Whenever a child behaves inappropriately, it is best to talk with them that why the act is unacceptable and why should they change it. Again, it is very important for the parents to praise their child when they do any good things. It is a good practice to stay calm when a child behaves in a bad manner. If the parents become very emotional and shout on their child, then he child will become more aggressive. Therefore, it is better to stay calm and change the mood.

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: , ,

How to have a Quality Family Life

December 16, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Today, the world is moving at fast pace and people have very less time to spend with their family. Time seems to be flying faster and in most of the family, members see each other hardly. The life has become chaotic and people get their schedule highly packed, and most people find a day is not enough to do their long to do lists. The negative impact of this fast life will drastically affect family life and marriage. Here are few simple things to set everything right and save the family life getting ruined.

Although people are always packed with work and problems, the time spent with the family should be valuable and special. A person should be completely present when spending time with their partner or children, and should leave behind all the worries regarding their work or office. There are certain things a person must do to have quality time with their family.

It is always better to have regular meals with the family, especially with the children and should talk with them and a person should not be in a rush over breakfast. It is good practices to say see you later as children’s love to hear it and it takes out the separation anxiety in children. Evenings and weekends should be kept only for family.

Bedtime and bath can be made special by playing with the children. One can engage children in the small household works, which make a child not only happy, but also proud for being part of the work. Children love to listen and talk with their parents. Therefore, parents should let their children to take part in their conversation.

Parents should not lie to their children and should always keep their promises. Sense of humor is very important to make the child happy. When a child does some good deed, parents should praise and encourage them.

Filed Under: Family Tagged With: , , ,
«Older Posts
Newer Posts»