The Final Adoption Processes

July 5, 2011 By Leave a Comment
Majlis Akikah & Cukur Rambut Razeeq Danish #248

Image by Roslan Tangah (aka Rasso) via Flickr

Adopting a child can be a long and arduous process. Both sets of parents — the birth parents and the adoptive parents — have worked closely to make sure that the adoption has followed all the correct guidelines and laws. When the papers are finalized and filed with the court, the process is one step closer to finality.

There are, however, some states that allow a period of time to pass where the birth parents can revoke the adoption, even after the papers are finalized. Even if the birth parents do revoke consent, this does not mean the child goes to the birth parents. In actuality, it just means that the process goes back to the court system. A judge will then make the determination as to the child’s placement.

The finalized papers are one part of the process; but many states have a detailed list or process that still needs to be completed. While this process — called a completion process — varies from state to state, adoptive parents should be prepared to follow more steps and processes, other than just signing on the bottom line.

Once the final papers are processed, the new parents need to file for a birth certificate for their new child.  This new certificate will have the adoptive parents as the adopted child’s legal parents. The majority of states require that parents apply for this new certificate immediately after the adoption is final.

After all the paperwork is filed and completed, signed and sealed, the next step is for the new parents and their child settle in and adjust to their new lives.

Filed Under: Adoption, Family, Parenting Tagged With: , ,

Understanding Adoption Records

July 4, 2011 By Leave a Comment
Baby-global

Image via Wikipedia

Some people think that adoption records are a strange and mysterious thing. Many of us also wonder what is included in these papers, as well as what their function is. Basically, these records contain all the paperwork regarding an adoption. These are the legal records of the adoption and are designed to protect everyone involved in the process. While controversial, most states have laws to keep these types of records sealed. This means that the public and even the people involved in the adoption cannot access these records.

During the adoption process, a judge will review the paperwork submitted to ensure that the law was followed correctly during parental termination and the granting of custody to the adoptive parents.

These records usually include items such as the original birth certificate of the child, information about both the birth and adoptive parents and records of the termination of parental rights. The records will also include the petition of adoption and the final adoption degree.

These records are put into place to try to make sure that all rights of all parties are protected. Birth parents should not have their parental rights taken away without the proper due process. Additionally, adoptive parents must be secure knowing that the adoption is forever and cannot be rescinded.

However, because so many of these records are seals, adult adoptees may not have access to the most basic information about themselves. This can be a detriment in some cases, such as background health conditions of birth parents that may be affecting the individual.

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Improving Your Parenting Skills

June 19, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Being a parent can be a very rewarding experience, but at times it can be very difficult and stressful. All parents ask themselves at one point how they can be a better parent. When it comes to parenting, there is always room for improvement.

One of the things you need to do as a parent is spending quality time with your children. Improving your relationship with your child simply by spending time with them can greatly impact the way they grow up and can change their view on life. When they have your attention, they feel more loved and will be able to build healthy relationships with other people in their lives as well. It will also help with their confidence as they get older.

Learn all about your child. What their interests are, what their talents and hobbies are, sports they like to play, etc. By being involved with your child’s interests and sharing the things they like to do, you are becoming a better parent. The little things often mean the most, especially to children.

Listen to your child and make communication a constant daily thing. By communicating and making time for your child, they will feel more comfortable and they will be more likely to come to your with their problems as they get older. Listen to what they have to say and let them express themselves. Set rules for your children, not to punish them, but to protect them. They may not like the rules, but they will thank you later in life.

 

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Being A New Mom

June 8, 2011 By Leave a Comment

When you become a new parent, you are entering a whole new world. Being a new mom can be very stressful and at times you can forget to take care of yourself. One thing you need to remember when you have a baby is not only taking care of the baby, but taking care of yourself as well.

Remember to shower every morning. When you take a shower, you feel clean and relaxed and every mother needs to feel this at least once a day. Do not underestimate the effects a hot shower will have in the morning. It will help you feel fresh and ready for the new day.

Taking a walk is a great activity to do when you are a new mother. This will help clear your head, keep you healthy, and relax you when you are having a tough day. Taking your baby out in the stroller can help the baby feel relaxed as well.

When you are having a tough week, consider getting a baby sitter for the day. Sometimes you need some time to yourself. Take the night off every once in a while to go have some fun. When you are a new mother, parenting takes priority over everything, however, do not forget about your friends. Take the time to spend time with the people you are close to. They can also help you out when you need it. Turn to your family and friends when you need help. Have a positive attitude; there is no such thing as a perfect parent.

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Adjusting To The Changes Of Parenthood

April 21, 2011 By Leave a Comment
My first baby was born by cesarian at 9:37am o...

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Becoming a parent is a very exciting experience, but many people do not realize that there are major concession that will be required in order to satisfy this role. The days of going out in an impromptu manner, or staying up late is now an event that will take planning and coordination. There are also the other tolls that are taken such as the emotional transition from single life to parenthood. There are many resources available to help people prepare for the changes that they will face while being a new parent, but there is no better life lesson than experience and trial and error.

What To Look Forward To

There are many ways to mentally prepare for the change that comes with a new member of the family, but until it is lived it cannot fully be understood. In fact, for the first year parents go through a post-pardum window. This is regardless of a birth or an adoption, and it is a time of adjustment. This does not have to mean that depression or other negative mental affects are in place, it just means that there is a time of mental reconciliation that life will forever be changed through this significant addition.

The physical adjustment also take a toll on parents. The lack of sleep and time to workout can make the experience doubly difficult. It is important that new parents take time for themselves, to be selfish so to speak, in order to maintain a healthy lifestyle, and adult activities.

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Parenting: Diffusing Sibling Squabbles

March 28, 2011 By Leave a Comment

MOM! The word you couldn’t wait for your baby to say and your squabbling kids to forget. Another day has begun and within minutes the kids are fighting over who can play with a toy first, who has control over the remote, or who is bugging who.

Fighting is normal and as children learn to resolve conflicts, they gain the life skills of compromise and corporation. That’s great for the future, but how can you resolve things now?

Here are a few key tips:

  • Set house rules, discuss behavior expectations, and consequences

Set up the house rules and post them on the refrigerator or bulletin board. When a squabble occurs, reiterate the rules, and be prepared for follow through of consequences. They will soon learn that fighting over something will result in the loss of a privilege and discourage certain behaviors.

  • Diffuse the situation

If they are fighting about a TV program, turn off the TV and make them find something else to do. Fighting over who gets to go first, have them pick a card and the one with the highest card goes first. Nothing stops a fight quicker than saying that you are going to separate them if they can’t play nice as siblings are each other’s best pals.

  • Separate them

There is nothing wrong with a little bit of alone time. Place each child in a separate room for a designated amount of time to distress, reflect, and decompress.

  • Do nothing

If the kids are not doing anything dangerous or hurting each other, sometimes doing nothing and having them resolve their own battles is best.

  • Praise good behavior

Nothing builds or encourages sibling relationship better than praise when they are doing things right. Positive attention enforces pleasant actions and enjoyment of sibling time together.

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Parenting: Teen Behavior Problems Defined

March 9, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Adolescence is the time in a child’s life where he/she is changing both physically and mentally, while trying to find his/her footing in society.  Parents often find themselves on the other end of a never ending battle looking forward to finding an end to this tug of war.

Love/Hate

It seems like yesterday when your child tells you she loves you, wants to be around you, and tells you that you are the greatest. Then overnight, this same child rolls her eyes at anything you say, has a snide comment for everything, and completely disregards everything you say.

This treatment is hurtful to the parent, but understand that separation from parent and seeking individuality is a normal part of adolescence. Remember that the roller coaster ride that you are one is exactly what your teen is feeling.

The best approach to resolving the problem is remaining calm, enforce basic behavior standards, and just let your teen know that you are around when they need you. Your actions now, set the way things will continue as your child progresses through the teen years.

Testing Limits

Teens love to test a parent’s limit. You set a rule and they work hard to break it. Understand that teens need limits and that you as the parent need to keep setting them.

Talk to other parents of teens to find out what rules they have in place in regards to curfew, chores, after school activities, and bedtime to determine if yours are unreasonable.  A bit of adjustment to the rules now can save you hours of conflict and upset later.

The best approach to this problem is to set a rule, be firm on the consequences, and don’t give in. Teens need to know that if they do not follow the rules, there are punishable consequences, and   you will be firm on enforcing them.

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Parenting: A Pre-schooler’s Emotional Development

March 7, 2011 By Leave a Comment

A parent plays an important role in a child’s emotional development. The child develops a sense of himself and others and gets clues to the way the world works through the relationship with his caregiver. A responsive and consistent relationship helps to build a positive attachment that supports healthy emotional development and forms the foundation for early childhood mental health.

An infant’s emotional attachment to his parents is apparent when displaying distress when separated from his caregiver or showing wariness of strangers.  At pre-school age, the child is able to identify many emotions in himself and others, often times empathizing when another child gets hurt by comforting with a hug or sharing a toy.

Emotional development in children is more than how the specific child is doing. The key to a healthy emotional development is how well the parent’s style of parenting and interaction fits the interactive style and emotional needs of the child. A demanding or high strung caregiver has a more challenging time trying to develop an emotional and secure relationship with a fussy or highly irritable infant.

Of equal importance is the emotional state of the caregiver.  A child is affect by the overall mental state of the caregiver and how they react to everyday situations.  If a mother is always worried about cleanliness, stringent schedules, and rules then the child emulates these tendencies and can become panicked when things are not in order. Children take the life lessons from home and model the behavior which can include positive things such as compromising, sharing, and taking turns. They can also learn the negative such as panic, fear, indifference, and perfectionism since emotional development is tied to the way a child sees himself and the world.

A child’s emotional reaction is based on his interpretation of situations or life experiences, which is how he learns the emotions empathy, pride, shame, and guilt.

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Parenting: The lying dilemma

February 16, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Ever get the feeling that you have another child by the name of “I don’t know” living in your household?  As in “who spilled the milk” or “who tracked in the mud” and your child says “I don’t know”.

When you live with a preschooler, you soon come to realize that lying or stretching the truth is a common everyday occurrence.  Don’t think that you have a future criminal in the making when your child won’t fess up to making the mess.  Anyone under the age of five doesn’t know the difference between consciously telling a fib and fabricating the truth. There is often a hazy line between what is true and what is imaginary.

When you catch a preschooler in the act, instead of asking the question “who did this?” it is better to state the obvious and offer a solution.  Saying “Billy, I see you spilled milk can you help mommy wipe it up” removes the child from stating a lie and puts positive action and reinforcement in his hands. Following up with a thank you and a hug, makes the child understand that mistakes can happen without negative consequences.

During the ages of 3 to 5, a child has a high sense of creativity and imaginary play will become a natural part of his growth and development. It is during this time children create imaginary friends, play pretend, and make up imaginative stories. As a parent it is important not to stifle the creative process, but at the same time encourage the child to tell the truth.

A child that is prone to tell tall tales can be encouraged by the parent saying “you have a wonderful sense of imagination that I sometimes don’t know what is real or what isn’t”. At the same time, it is important to emphasis the proper times to tell the truth while remaining positive. Don’t use negative phrasing such as “you are a liar”. It is better to say that you prefer the truth and show that good consequences can come from being honest.

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Parenting: Whining and how to break the habit

February 10, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Whining is defined as a low complaining sound due to uneasiness, discontent, or peevishness. It is a learned action due to initial unresponsiveness which gains a parent’s attention.

Toddlers

Toddlers often whine because they feel overwhelmed and out of control. Because they lack the vocabulary to articulate their frustrations, toddlers whimper whine which is their natural default noise.  Remember that hunger and fatigue can triggers these reactions the next time you decide to take your toddler shopping around nap or mealtime.

Preschoolers

Just like toddlers, preschoolers often whine when they have a low frustration threshold. At this stage in life, the preschooler is faced with a great deal of changes such as starting preschool, potty training, moving to a big kid bed, or gaining a new sibling. All of these things leave them craving for attention even if they are negative.

School Age

Not only will a grade schooler whine when they are hungry or frustrated, but you can add boredom or indifference to the list too. A child that learned it was okay to whine in early stages of development will become an expert whiner by the time they start school.

Break the Habit

  • Have patience and refuse to let the whining bother you. Calmly let the child know that if he whines, you won’t respond. Let him know that when he talks in a nice voice, you will give him your full attention.
  • Teach the child what a “nice voice” or “asking nicely” means. Demonstrate what whining sounds like and what saying something nicely sounds like.  Have them model the behavior so they can tell the difference.
  • Praise the child when he does something right. Often times a parent will point out the negative, but forget to give positive reinforcement when the child does something good. It could be something as simple as saying “thank you for respond so nicely” or “that tone of voice is music to my ears”.
  • Don’t cave in when the pressure becomes too much. As soon as the child sees that you will give in to the whining, they will keep this bad habit.
  • Remember that change does not happen overnight and that you need to keep up with the patient and praise. If you don’t keep up the effective methods of communication, the whining may get worse than before.
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