Steps to End a Semi-Open Adoption

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In some semi-open adoption situations, it may become necessary to close that relationship. Whether it is that the relationship is in someway harmful to the child, or some reason, if it is in the best interest of the child, you should close the adoption. This is not a decision to be entered in lightly, as the birth mother was ensured a semi-open adoption. However, here are the steps you may need to follow for closing the adoption.

Make a list of the reasons for this closure. Be sure to outline why this is the best choice for the child.

Closely examine your reasoning for this action. Make sure that the action is necessary. You will need to justify why you are breaking the open adoption agreement with the birth mother.

Consider any available alternatives. For example, if correspondence from the birth mother could be harmful, you could state that you will no longer receive letters from her, however, you will still continue to send pictures and updates to here.

Talk over your decision with the adoption intermediary.

Send correspondence to the birth mother explaining your decision. If the decision is based on some action by the birth mother, explain what steps she can take to reverse the situation.

Stop all communications. Once the communication and correspondence ends, the adoption becomes a closed one.

Make sure that you explain your decision thoroughly to your child. Your child will naturally have some questions about your decisions, and you should be prepared to explain them.

Filed Under: Adoption, Family, Parenting Tagged With: , ,

The Final Adoption Processes

Majlis Akikah & Cukur Rambut Razeeq Danish #248

Image by Roslan Tangah (aka Rasso) via Flickr

Adopting a child can be a long and arduous process. Both sets of parents — the birth parents and the adoptive parents — have worked closely to make sure that the adoption has followed all the correct guidelines and laws. When the papers are finalized and filed with the court, the process is one step closer to finality.

There are, however, some states that allow a period of time to pass where the birth parents can revoke the adoption, even after the papers are finalized. Even if the birth parents do revoke consent, this does not mean the child goes to the birth parents. In actuality, it just means that the process goes back to the court system. A judge will then make the determination as to the child’s placement.

The finalized papers are one part of the process; but many states have a detailed list or process that still needs to be completed. While this process — called a completion process — varies from state to state, adoptive parents should be prepared to follow more steps and processes, other than just signing on the bottom line.

Once the final papers are processed, the new parents need to file for a birth certificate for their new child.  This new certificate will have the adoptive parents as the adopted child’s legal parents. The majority of states require that parents apply for this new certificate immediately after the adoption is final.

After all the paperwork is filed and completed, signed and sealed, the next step is for the new parents and their child settle in and adjust to their new lives.

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Improving Your Parenting Skills

Being a parent can be a very rewarding experience, but at times it can be very difficult and stressful. All parents ask themselves at one point how they can be a better parent. When it comes to parenting, there is always room for improvement.

One of the things you need to do as a parent is spending quality time with your children. Improving your relationship with your child simply by spending time with them can greatly impact the way they grow up and can change their view on life. When they have your attention, they feel more loved and will be able to build healthy relationships with other people in their lives as well. It will also help with their confidence as they get older.

Learn all about your child. What their interests are, what their talents and hobbies are, sports they like to play, etc. By being involved with your child’s interests and sharing the things they like to do, you are becoming a better parent. The little things often mean the most, especially to children.

Listen to your child and make communication a constant daily thing. By communicating and making time for your child, they will feel more comfortable and they will be more likely to come to your with their problems as they get older. Listen to what they have to say and let them express themselves. Set rules for your children, not to punish them, but to protect them. They may not like the rules, but they will thank you later in life.

 

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Adoptions-What to do to Break the Ice

A Porcelain Doll. 

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When you choose to adopt a child, you may not choose to adopt a newborn. Instead, you may choose an older child. When this is the case, you will need to get to know the child, and let them know that you are there for them, and that you love them. There are many ways to do this, and one of the easiest ways to start is by breaking the ice. There are many small things that you can do to break the ice with a child

Tell Them about Yourself

This may seem simple, but it is important: tell the child about yourself. The more they know about you, and the more open you are, the more comfortable they will be with you. Answer any questions that they have, but offer information as well.

Give Small Gifts

If you notice that the child you are adopting has a favorite doll, consider getting doll clothes for them. Small, simple gifts can help break the ice, and show the child that you are thinking about them. You do not have to get them extravagant items; don’t make them think that you are trying to buy their love.

Getting a child to trust you can be a long process. Take it slow, but make sure to show them that you are interested in them. Show them that you will be there for them, and they will come to trust you and love you as much as you love them. With small, simple actions, you can easily break the ice and move ahead with your relationship.

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Adjusting To The Changes Of Parenthood

My first baby was born by cesarian at 9:37am o...

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Becoming a parent is a very exciting experience, but many people do not realize that there are major concession that will be required in order to satisfy this role. The days of going out in an impromptu manner, or staying up late is now an event that will take planning and coordination. There are also the other tolls that are taken such as the emotional transition from single life to parenthood. There are many resources available to help people prepare for the changes that they will face while being a new parent, but there is no better life lesson than experience and trial and error.

What To Look Forward To

There are many ways to mentally prepare for the change that comes with a new member of the family, but until it is lived it cannot fully be understood. In fact, for the first year parents go through a post-pardum window. This is regardless of a birth or an adoption, and it is a time of adjustment. This does not have to mean that depression or other negative mental affects are in place, it just means that there is a time of mental reconciliation that life will forever be changed through this significant addition.

The physical adjustment also take a toll on parents. The lack of sleep and time to workout can make the experience doubly difficult. It is important that new parents take time for themselves, to be selfish so to speak, in order to maintain a healthy lifestyle, and adult activities.

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Parenting: Diffusing Sibling Squabbles

MOM! The word you couldn’t wait for your baby to say and your squabbling kids to forget. Another day has begun and within minutes the kids are fighting over who can play with a toy first, who has control over the remote, or who is bugging who.

Fighting is normal and as children learn to resolve conflicts, they gain the life skills of compromise and corporation. That’s great for the future, but how can you resolve things now?

Here are a few key tips:

  • Set house rules, discuss behavior expectations, and consequences

Set up the house rules and post them on the refrigerator or bulletin board. When a squabble occurs, reiterate the rules, and be prepared for follow through of consequences. They will soon learn that fighting over something will result in the loss of a privilege and discourage certain behaviors.

  • Diffuse the situation

If they are fighting about a TV program, turn off the TV and make them find something else to do. Fighting over who gets to go first, have them pick a card and the one with the highest card goes first. Nothing stops a fight quicker than saying that you are going to separate them if they can’t play nice as siblings are each other’s best pals.

  • Separate them

There is nothing wrong with a little bit of alone time. Place each child in a separate room for a designated amount of time to distress, reflect, and decompress.

  • Do nothing

If the kids are not doing anything dangerous or hurting each other, sometimes doing nothing and having them resolve their own battles is best.

  • Praise good behavior

Nothing builds or encourages sibling relationship better than praise when they are doing things right. Positive attention enforces pleasant actions and enjoyment of sibling time together.

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Adding to Your Family Through the Beauty of Adoption

Many people adopt children. Some do it because they can’t have children of their own, and others do it because they know that children who don’t have families desperately need someone to love and care for them. When you realize that you really want to adopt, it’s time to start planning. It’s not possible for you to just walk in and adopt a child. It can be costly, and it takes time. When you plan well, the process is often easier and you’ll also have a better chance of knowing what to expect. There are two main issues when planning for adoption: your finances and your home.

You need to consider not just the cost of the actual adoption, but also the cost of raising the child. The agency will look at how much you make, how stable your job is, what kind of debt load you have, and other financial factors that can help them make a determination as to how well you’ll be able to care for an adopted child. It’s not just about money, though. How you’ll treat the child, the size of your home, where the child will sleep, and similar issues will be studied. Most likely, there will be a home visit to take a look around, so be up front about things.

You can get a lot of good information at planningfamily.com, where you can learn more about what’s needed in order for you to adopt a child and what steps you should taking now, even if the adoption is still some time away. It’s always better to be over prepared instead of underprepared, since you don’t want to take anything for granted or make assumptions where adopting a child is concerned. Planning now can save you a lot of heartache and hassle later.

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Parenting: Taming Temper Tantrums

You are in a store with your toddler and her face turns red, she begins to scream, and other shoppers are staring at this spectacle. No she is not having a medical emergency; instead she is having a typical toddler tantrum.

Don’t despair as many a parent has beared witness to a scenario such as this one before. Often times the tantrum might also include kicking, hitting, crying, breath holding, and throw things.  They are common in children between the ages of one and four when the child is still learning how to communicate his feelings effectively.

Tantrums can be distressing to the parent, especially when they become regular and are extremely intense. This is the time the parent needs to determine what the cause is and how to stop them from occuring.

There are several reasons and triggers for tantrums:

  • Frustration
  • Test parental limits
  • Fatigue
  • Hunger
  • Mood
  • New environment

When the child begins to have a tantrum, instinct takes over and the parent will either want to immediately give in or beginning screaming themselves. Neither is a good solution.

Giving in to the child will give them the sense that everytime they behave in this manner they get what they want. While screaming only makes the tantrum worse. The best solution is to take a deep breath, calm yourself down, and try to gain control over the situtation. With a clear mind and calm demeanor firmly let the child know the tantrum is not an acceptable behavior.

If the child does not calm down and you know the tantrum is a ploy for attention, remain in control and don’t give in. This may mean you shop with a screaming child, but eventually they will learn and the tantrum stops. If the child is inconsolable, hold him tighly, murmur words of love and encouragement, but still firmly let him know you are in control and will not be giving in.

There are a few ways to control trantrums before they happen:

  • Avoid trigger situations
  • Maintain routines
  • Compromise
  • Praise child for good behavior
  • Give up some control
  • Distract and divert
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Accepting and Nurturing a Child – Get Your Child Involved!

As a parent, identifying with your child is a very important responsibility. Moreover, it is vital to be able to nurture and care for your child in the right manner. Along with these important standards that form part of the bond between a parent and child, realizing your child’s interests – and acting on them – is very important.

Interests that your child finds and develops throughout the course of his or her life are extremely vital. As a parent, you have a hand in this, where you can expose your child to certain aspects that will prove valuable as your child grows up.

Take for example an individual that is naturally analytic. At an early age, your child could be interested in science, perhaps, or develop a love for the game of chess. A chess board or microscope could be a great way for your child to explore not only these interests, but in that of developing skills that will help them in school and in life. If they’re too young to have a microscope, you might consider getting them a magnifying glass.

Creativity is another area that can be demonstrated at a young age. Certainly, those that go on to have music or acting in their career – or even at least in their interests – later in life show this interest at an early age for many. You could build a stage in your home if there is room and then purchase kids costumes for your child to perform, which is always a favorite for young ones (in fashion and dressing up!).

Of course, these are just a small fragment of ways to nurture your child according to their interests. Pay attention to how your child responds to music, the arts, science, and other areas of life. You could find something that your child will develop and love for the rest of his or her life.

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Dinner Time is Family Time

Successful parents often say one of the most important things they do is sit down and have dinner together several nights a week. It’s not always possible because of activities and schedules, but it can be a priority that the family get together to share dinner three or four times each week.

Here are some important lessons children can learn during a family dinner:

• Helping prepare food. When kids are old enough, they can perform small tasks, like washing and tearing up lettuce leaves for a salad, peeling potatoes, shucking corn or removing the tails from pre-cooked shrimp. Older children are capable of much more, with proper supervision, such as creating and stirring sauces over the stove, preparing instant rice in the microwave and chopping vegetables.

• Helping set the table. Depending on their age, kids can learn where things are stored in the kitchen and set plates, cups, flatware, napkins and condiments on the table. Older children can pour drinks into the cups and help carry entrees from the kitchen to set on the table.

• Giving thanks. No matter what a family’s religious affiliation, it’s beneficial to stop and give a prayer of thanks before dinner, to be grateful for the blessings in life and for the food.

• Proper table manners. Children can learn dining etiquette, like sitting up straight and keeping their elbows off of the table. They can learn to properly use utensils, not touch food with their fingers (unless it’s finger food or bread), to ask politely for items to be passed to them and to ask to be excused before leaving the table.

• Conversation and listening skills. Ideally, family members are given the opportunity to share something about their day or something on their mind. The family uses active listening skills, which means focusing on what is being said, and not interrupting.

• Clean up. Everyone can help load the dishwasher and put things away.

 

 

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