How To Adopt A Child

Adopting a child is life-changing decision that should have a lot of thought put into it. Adoption is a long and emotion process that will cost a lot of money, so a lot of planning has to go into it. Before you choose and adoption agency, you will need to consider what you want your child to be like. Think about things such as race, age, special needs, etc. It is important that you find the right agency that will help you find the child you are looking for.

After you have decided what you want your child to be like, you will then find an agency. Decide whether you want to go with a private or a public agency. Before you start working with an agency, ask for references and check their licenses. Also, ask about their fees. Public agencies will generally be cheaper than private ones. There are cases in which you can adopt without an agency.

Once you have chosen your agency, you will need to fill out an application. You will also need to have a home study. This is where someone will come into your home and evaluate you to see if you will be a good parent. This process will generally take several months. After it is finished, you will be ready to have a child. Make sure you know all of the laws in adopting and you have thought everything through. You will also need to make sure that you will have enough financial support for your child as well.

Filed Under: Adoption Tagged With: , ,

Improving Your Parenting Skills

Being a parent can be a very rewarding experience, but at times it can be very difficult and stressful. All parents ask themselves at one point how they can be a better parent. When it comes to parenting, there is always room for improvement.

One of the things you need to do as a parent is spending quality time with your children. Improving your relationship with your child simply by spending time with them can greatly impact the way they grow up and can change their view on life. When they have your attention, they feel more loved and will be able to build healthy relationships with other people in their lives as well. It will also help with their confidence as they get older.

Learn all about your child. What their interests are, what their talents and hobbies are, sports they like to play, etc. By being involved with your child’s interests and sharing the things they like to do, you are becoming a better parent. The little things often mean the most, especially to children.

Listen to your child and make communication a constant daily thing. By communicating and making time for your child, they will feel more comfortable and they will be more likely to come to your with their problems as they get older. Listen to what they have to say and let them express themselves. Set rules for your children, not to punish them, but to protect them. They may not like the rules, but they will thank you later in life.

 

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: , ,

Dealing With The Reaction Of Inter-Racial Adoption

Couples 3 

Image by Photocapy via Flickr

In society today, there is a lot more acceptance of inter-racial marriage as well as inter-racial adoption, but sometimes you can still run into people that are just not nice.

When you are faced with a negative response from people about your choice to adopt a child from another race than your own, it is important to remember that it is just an opportunity to educate them about the meaning of love in a polite way, and that it is an issue that they are dealing with and not really yours.

Often, new adoptive parents are very sensitive to the negative comments made about their new child that they have struggled so hard to have in their lives. What other people think just really doesn’t matter, but it is important to deal with the issue head on for the sake of your child, who is likely to have to face it as well.

If someone asks why you did not choose a child of your own race, you can simply respond that you believe every child deserves to have a loving family and a good home life, and that you were willing to open up your heart and home to your child. Some people just need to learn the basic lesson that love is color blind. There are no geographical boundaries for love either. We love or we do not love, and it is a choice. Choosing to love your adoptive child as your own is the greatest choice that you have made for them in their life.

Filed Under: Adoption Tagged With: , ,

Adoptions-What to do to Break the Ice

A Porcelain Doll. 

Image via Wikipedia

When you choose to adopt a child, you may not choose to adopt a newborn. Instead, you may choose an older child. When this is the case, you will need to get to know the child, and let them know that you are there for them, and that you love them. There are many ways to do this, and one of the easiest ways to start is by breaking the ice. There are many small things that you can do to break the ice with a child

Tell Them about Yourself

This may seem simple, but it is important: tell the child about yourself. The more they know about you, and the more open you are, the more comfortable they will be with you. Answer any questions that they have, but offer information as well.

Give Small Gifts

If you notice that the child you are adopting has a favorite doll, consider getting doll clothes for them. Small, simple gifts can help break the ice, and show the child that you are thinking about them. You do not have to get them extravagant items; don’t make them think that you are trying to buy their love.

Getting a child to trust you can be a long process. Take it slow, but make sure to show them that you are interested in them. Show them that you will be there for them, and they will come to trust you and love you as much as you love them. With small, simple actions, you can easily break the ice and move ahead with your relationship.

Filed Under: Guidance & Advice Tagged With: , ,

Adoptions-What to do to Break the Ice

Interracial adoption 

Image via Wikipedia

many people who have waited a long time to be able to start their family are filled with joy the moment that they know that they are going to be bringing home their new adopted child. But what do you do to break the ice? How do you build that foundation for a lasting and wonderful relationship like you have always desired?

There are many ways that you can break the ice when you are building your relationship with your adopted child. What needs to be taken into account is the age of the child. If your child is a baby, it is easy to start that relationship just through the day to day caring that takes place. As you meet your baby’s needs, you are going to develop that bond. All it takes is consistency and dedication.

When the child is a little older, you want to take your time to build the relationship. Taking the time to listen, and talk about what they like to do. Go out and do those things together as well as begin to share your interests with them as well. Being willing to talk about your feelings and their feelings openly is a great way to build that relationship of trust. There is going to be even more of an emotional adjustment when a child is older, so be patient and understanding. With time, your child will come to love you and trust you because you have proven to be reliable and caring.

Filed Under: Guidance & Advice Tagged With: , ,

Parenting: Toddler Discipline Issues and Resolution Strategies

Toddlers have little self control and a lack of rational thinking processes. They want to assert their new found independence now that they can walk and are beginning to discover themselves as individuals.

The problem is that they have a limit to their ability for communication and reasoning, but are aware that their actions can make things happen.  Cry and throw a temper tantrum could mean a lollipop from a store owner or a new toy bought by mommy.

Here are a few strategies to make things a bit easier for you and the child:

  • Be consistent with routine and actions

Toddlers require structure and predictability to their routine as it creates a sense of safety and security. This in turn tends to make them calmer and more behaved as they now what to expect. Have set naptimes, bedtimes, meal schedules, and even play schedules.

  • Avoid stressful and trigger situations

The most common trigger situations are hunger, tiredness, and a change of routine. If you know that a routine is going to be changed due to scheduling conflict or even a vacation, prepare the child ahead of time. Let them know that sitter Sally is not coming, but instead sitter Susie will be there. Invite the sitter to come early to meet the entire family and get the child adjusted before you leave for the day.

  • A toddler is not a mini-adult

You may need to explain things to them multi times like how to follow directions or act appropriately. Sometimes you need to empathize with them without coddling, when they don’t want to sit in their car seat or stroller.

  • Practice patience and self control

When a situation becomes out of hand and you lose your cool, then the problem gets ten times worse. Practice remaining in control of the situation and don’t let the child manipulate the situation.  Showing no emotion while they cry for toy in a store makes them realize their action does not give them a parental reaction.

  • Pick your battles

Know the difference between when it is better to be stringent and when it is okay to give in.

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: , ,

Parenting: Teen Behavior Problems Defined

Adolescence is the time in a child’s life where he/she is changing both physically and mentally, while trying to find his/her footing in society.  Parents often find themselves on the other end of a never ending battle looking forward to finding an end to this tug of war.

Love/Hate

It seems like yesterday when your child tells you she loves you, wants to be around you, and tells you that you are the greatest. Then overnight, this same child rolls her eyes at anything you say, has a snide comment for everything, and completely disregards everything you say.

This treatment is hurtful to the parent, but understand that separation from parent and seeking individuality is a normal part of adolescence. Remember that the roller coaster ride that you are one is exactly what your teen is feeling.

The best approach to resolving the problem is remaining calm, enforce basic behavior standards, and just let your teen know that you are around when they need you. Your actions now, set the way things will continue as your child progresses through the teen years.

Testing Limits

Teens love to test a parent’s limit. You set a rule and they work hard to break it. Understand that teens need limits and that you as the parent need to keep setting them.

Talk to other parents of teens to find out what rules they have in place in regards to curfew, chores, after school activities, and bedtime to determine if yours are unreasonable.  A bit of adjustment to the rules now can save you hours of conflict and upset later.

The best approach to this problem is to set a rule, be firm on the consequences, and don’t give in. Teens need to know that if they do not follow the rules, there are punishable consequences, and   you will be firm on enforcing them.

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: , ,

Parenting: The lying dilemma

Ever get the feeling that you have another child by the name of “I don’t know” living in your household?  As in “who spilled the milk” or “who tracked in the mud” and your child says “I don’t know”.

When you live with a preschooler, you soon come to realize that lying or stretching the truth is a common everyday occurrence.  Don’t think that you have a future criminal in the making when your child won’t fess up to making the mess.  Anyone under the age of five doesn’t know the difference between consciously telling a fib and fabricating the truth. There is often a hazy line between what is true and what is imaginary.

When you catch a preschooler in the act, instead of asking the question “who did this?” it is better to state the obvious and offer a solution.  Saying “Billy, I see you spilled milk can you help mommy wipe it up” removes the child from stating a lie and puts positive action and reinforcement in his hands. Following up with a thank you and a hug, makes the child understand that mistakes can happen without negative consequences.

During the ages of 3 to 5, a child has a high sense of creativity and imaginary play will become a natural part of his growth and development. It is during this time children create imaginary friends, play pretend, and make up imaginative stories. As a parent it is important not to stifle the creative process, but at the same time encourage the child to tell the truth.

A child that is prone to tell tall tales can be encouraged by the parent saying “you have a wonderful sense of imagination that I sometimes don’t know what is real or what isn’t”. At the same time, it is important to emphasis the proper times to tell the truth while remaining positive. Don’t use negative phrasing such as “you are a liar”. It is better to say that you prefer the truth and show that good consequences can come from being honest.

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: , ,

Adoption Party Ideas and Tips

The adoption of a new family member is definitely a time for a very special celebration. New parents can introduce the new family member to family and friends. There are many ways to plan and throw an adoption celebration.

Depending on the timing of the adoption, you can consider combining the celebration with another holiday celebration such as Thanksgiving, Father’s Day or Mother’s Day. You can give thanks for the new addition during Thanksgiving, or celebrate new parenthood on the other days.

If the new child comes from a different country, consider having a theme surrounding that country. Dress up your child in baby costumes from that country and ask guests to do the same. Serve food from the country as well as decorating using that country’s cultural theme. You can even use the same ideas for local adoptions. If the baby is from Texas, consider a Texas theme with chili and cowboys.

You can also consider other themes for the party such as princess parties or teddy bear parties. Take into consideration the age of the child when you decide on the theme, so that it will be age-appropriate.

Ask your guests to bring a letter or other mementos that will be included in the new child’s memory book. Prepare the book prior to the party to include information and photos of the child up to the present.

During the party, use this gathering to share how important this milestone is in your life. You can tell guests about your child and his or her adoption processes. You can also encourage guests to talk about how they were part of the process and how glad they are about your new addition. Consider videotaping this so you can share it with your child as he or she gets older.

Filed Under: Adoption Tagged With: , ,

Parenting: Whining and how to break the habit

Whining is defined as a low complaining sound due to uneasiness, discontent, or peevishness. It is a learned action due to initial unresponsiveness which gains a parent’s attention.

Toddlers

Toddlers often whine because they feel overwhelmed and out of control. Because they lack the vocabulary to articulate their frustrations, toddlers whimper whine which is their natural default noise.  Remember that hunger and fatigue can triggers these reactions the next time you decide to take your toddler shopping around nap or mealtime.

Preschoolers

Just like toddlers, preschoolers often whine when they have a low frustration threshold. At this stage in life, the preschooler is faced with a great deal of changes such as starting preschool, potty training, moving to a big kid bed, or gaining a new sibling. All of these things leave them craving for attention even if they are negative.

School Age

Not only will a grade schooler whine when they are hungry or frustrated, but you can add boredom or indifference to the list too. A child that learned it was okay to whine in early stages of development will become an expert whiner by the time they start school.

Break the Habit

  • Have patience and refuse to let the whining bother you. Calmly let the child know that if he whines, you won’t respond. Let him know that when he talks in a nice voice, you will give him your full attention.
  • Teach the child what a “nice voice” or “asking nicely” means. Demonstrate what whining sounds like and what saying something nicely sounds like.  Have them model the behavior so they can tell the difference.
  • Praise the child when he does something right. Often times a parent will point out the negative, but forget to give positive reinforcement when the child does something good. It could be something as simple as saying “thank you for respond so nicely” or “that tone of voice is music to my ears”.
  • Don’t cave in when the pressure becomes too much. As soon as the child sees that you will give in to the whining, they will keep this bad habit.
  • Remember that change does not happen overnight and that you need to keep up with the patient and praise. If you don’t keep up the effective methods of communication, the whining may get worse than before.
Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: , ,
« Older Posts