Parenting: Teen Behavior Problems Defined

Adolescence is the time in a child’s life where he/she is changing both physically and mentally, while trying to find his/her footing in society.  Parents often find themselves on the other end of a never ending battle looking forward to finding an end to this tug of war.

Love/Hate

It seems like yesterday when your child tells you she loves you, wants to be around you, and tells you that you are the greatest. Then overnight, this same child rolls her eyes at anything you say, has a snide comment for everything, and completely disregards everything you say.

This treatment is hurtful to the parent, but understand that separation from parent and seeking individuality is a normal part of adolescence. Remember that the roller coaster ride that you are one is exactly what your teen is feeling.

The best approach to resolving the problem is remaining calm, enforce basic behavior standards, and just let your teen know that you are around when they need you. Your actions now, set the way things will continue as your child progresses through the teen years.

Testing Limits

Teens love to test a parent’s limit. You set a rule and they work hard to break it. Understand that teens need limits and that you as the parent need to keep setting them.

Talk to other parents of teens to find out what rules they have in place in regards to curfew, chores, after school activities, and bedtime to determine if yours are unreasonable.  A bit of adjustment to the rules now can save you hours of conflict and upset later.

The best approach to this problem is to set a rule, be firm on the consequences, and don’t give in. Teens need to know that if they do not follow the rules, there are punishable consequences, and   you will be firm on enforcing them.

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Parenting: The lying dilemma

Ever get the feeling that you have another child by the name of “I don’t know” living in your household?  As in “who spilled the milk” or “who tracked in the mud” and your child says “I don’t know”.

When you live with a preschooler, you soon come to realize that lying or stretching the truth is a common everyday occurrence.  Don’t think that you have a future criminal in the making when your child won’t fess up to making the mess.  Anyone under the age of five doesn’t know the difference between consciously telling a fib and fabricating the truth. There is often a hazy line between what is true and what is imaginary.

When you catch a preschooler in the act, instead of asking the question “who did this?” it is better to state the obvious and offer a solution.  Saying “Billy, I see you spilled milk can you help mommy wipe it up” removes the child from stating a lie and puts positive action and reinforcement in his hands. Following up with a thank you and a hug, makes the child understand that mistakes can happen without negative consequences.

During the ages of 3 to 5, a child has a high sense of creativity and imaginary play will become a natural part of his growth and development. It is during this time children create imaginary friends, play pretend, and make up imaginative stories. As a parent it is important not to stifle the creative process, but at the same time encourage the child to tell the truth.

A child that is prone to tell tall tales can be encouraged by the parent saying “you have a wonderful sense of imagination that I sometimes don’t know what is real or what isn’t”. At the same time, it is important to emphasis the proper times to tell the truth while remaining positive. Don’t use negative phrasing such as “you are a liar”. It is better to say that you prefer the truth and show that good consequences can come from being honest.

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Parenting: Whining and how to break the habit

Whining is defined as a low complaining sound due to uneasiness, discontent, or peevishness. It is a learned action due to initial unresponsiveness which gains a parent’s attention.

Toddlers

Toddlers often whine because they feel overwhelmed and out of control. Because they lack the vocabulary to articulate their frustrations, toddlers whimper whine which is their natural default noise.  Remember that hunger and fatigue can triggers these reactions the next time you decide to take your toddler shopping around nap or mealtime.

Preschoolers

Just like toddlers, preschoolers often whine when they have a low frustration threshold. At this stage in life, the preschooler is faced with a great deal of changes such as starting preschool, potty training, moving to a big kid bed, or gaining a new sibling. All of these things leave them craving for attention even if they are negative.

School Age

Not only will a grade schooler whine when they are hungry or frustrated, but you can add boredom or indifference to the list too. A child that learned it was okay to whine in early stages of development will become an expert whiner by the time they start school.

Break the Habit

  • Have patience and refuse to let the whining bother you. Calmly let the child know that if he whines, you won’t respond. Let him know that when he talks in a nice voice, you will give him your full attention.
  • Teach the child what a “nice voice” or “asking nicely” means. Demonstrate what whining sounds like and what saying something nicely sounds like.  Have them model the behavior so they can tell the difference.
  • Praise the child when he does something right. Often times a parent will point out the negative, but forget to give positive reinforcement when the child does something good. It could be something as simple as saying “thank you for respond so nicely” or “that tone of voice is music to my ears”.
  • Don’t cave in when the pressure becomes too much. As soon as the child sees that you will give in to the whining, they will keep this bad habit.
  • Remember that change does not happen overnight and that you need to keep up with the patient and praise. If you don’t keep up the effective methods of communication, the whining may get worse than before.
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Parenting: When troublemaking is not a phase

Some elementary school counselors use books an...

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The phone rings and it’s the principal on the line saying your child has been disrupting class, fighting, bullying, or lying. The call is one that many parents dread; giving them the sinking feeling they are raising a problem child.

The acts can be a sign of growing pains, but can also be an indicator of something more serious. Before jumping to false conclusions, it is time to put on your detective’s cap and delve into the situation by examining the child’s actions and what might be driving them.

Take a close look at the behavior:

  • How long has it been occurring?
  • Are there changes to the behavior?
  • Where is the bad behavior present?
  • What is the severity of the behavior?
  • Are there other contributing factors for the behavior?

Talk to those individuals that are around your child on a daily basis such as teachers, coaches, and other parents. Ask them if they have noticed any changes in behavior, situations you need to be aware of, or problems the child may have mentioned to them.

Most importantly talk to your child. Ask him if he is experiencing any problems, struggling with issues, and make him aware how this behavior is impacting him and others.

As a parent, be honest with yourself and admit that there is a problem when one is apparent. Make your child accountable for his actions by having him complete detention for disrupting class or receiving suspension for fighting with another student.

Don’t be too proud to ask for help. Start off by discussing behavior with the child’s teacher and school counselor and asking them for constructive feedback. If the behavior is uncontrollable, consider a child psychologist or psychiatrist for further evaluation. They will evaluate and determine if the child’s actions are signs of behavioral issues or underlying biological issues.

Learn to accentuate and reinforce positive behaviors, pro-social behaviors, and actions you want to see. Eliminate the negative behaviors by letting the child know you will not tolerate bad behaviors, discourage by emulating positive reinforces, and focus on one issue at a time.

Remember to have patience as it can take weeks before the old behavior stops and the new better behavior kicks in.

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Parenting: Taming Temper Tantrums

You are in a store with your toddler and her face turns red, she begins to scream, and other shoppers are staring at this spectacle. No she is not having a medical emergency; instead she is having a typical toddler tantrum.

Don’t despair as many a parent has beared witness to a scenario such as this one before. Often times the tantrum might also include kicking, hitting, crying, breath holding, and throw things.  They are common in children between the ages of one and four when the child is still learning how to communicate his feelings effectively.

Tantrums can be distressing to the parent, especially when they become regular and are extremely intense. This is the time the parent needs to determine what the cause is and how to stop them from occuring.

There are several reasons and triggers for tantrums:

  • Frustration
  • Test parental limits
  • Fatigue
  • Hunger
  • Mood
  • New environment

When the child begins to have a tantrum, instinct takes over and the parent will either want to immediately give in or beginning screaming themselves. Neither is a good solution.

Giving in to the child will give them the sense that everytime they behave in this manner they get what they want. While screaming only makes the tantrum worse. The best solution is to take a deep breath, calm yourself down, and try to gain control over the situtation. With a clear mind and calm demeanor firmly let the child know the tantrum is not an acceptable behavior.

If the child does not calm down and you know the tantrum is a ploy for attention, remain in control and don’t give in. This may mean you shop with a screaming child, but eventually they will learn and the tantrum stops. If the child is inconsolable, hold him tighly, murmur words of love and encouragement, but still firmly let him know you are in control and will not be giving in.

There are a few ways to control trantrums before they happen:

  • Avoid trigger situations
  • Maintain routines
  • Compromise
  • Praise child for good behavior
  • Give up some control
  • Distract and divert
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Parenting: Styles and Their Impacts

A parent’s style of child rearing is based on his own individual experiences and influenced by culture and temperament. Parenting is an intricate endeavor that includes particular behaviors which work together and individually influencing a child’s outcome.

There are 4 types of parenting styles:

  • Authoritarian

A child is expected to follow stringent rules established by the parent and failure to do so results in punishment.  Authoritarians do not explain the reasoning behind rules, have high demands, and are not responsive to their children. They set strict rules to keep order, are very critical of the child when not meeting standards, and focus on bad behavior and correcting it versus focusing on positive behavior.

As a result, the child is obedient and proficient but has lower levels of happiness, self- esteem, and social competence.

  • Democratic

A child is expected to follow established rules and guidelines, but learn to be responsible and understand the consequences of their behavior. Democratic parents are responsive, listen to their child, are forgiving and nurturing when expectations are not met, and supportive and assertive rather than intrusive and restrictive. They provide clear and reasonable expectations for the child, explain why they require particular behavior, and concentrate on reinforcing good versus bad actions.

As a result, the child tends to be more happy, capable and successful then his peers.

  • Permissive

A child is not expected to follow any particular rules, have few demands, and is self-regulated.  Permissive parents give up the controls to the child, take on the role of friend instead of parent, are more responsive than demanding in nature, accept the child’s behavior whether good or bad, and seem indifferent to the misbehavior and getting involved.

As a result, the child often experiences problems with authority and ranks low in happiness and self-regulation.

  • Uninvolved

A child is given few demands, negligible responsiveness, and minimal communication by the parent. Uninvolved parents give the child his basic needs, but are detached from the child’s life.

This style is the lowest rank across all life domains resulting in a child with lack of self control, low self esteem, and less competency amongst peers.

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A Touch of Tiger Mother Can Be A Good Thing

Chinese-American mother Amy Chua caused a sensation in early 2011 when her book, “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother” and accompanying article in the Wall Street Journal, “Why Chinese Mothers are Superior,” were published. In interviews, Chua, who also is a Yale law professor, said she’s not advocating a “right way” to raise high achieving children, but wrote these pieces to share her thoughts, experiences and struggles. Her point of view is worth considering.

One of the arguments Chua makes is that true self-esteem comes from accomplishing something. Therefore, a tiger mother applies the right amount of pressure to motivate children to do more than they think they can. Discipline and excellence are expected in her daughters’ schoolwork, their musical practice and other endeavors. Chua constantly monitors their activities and won’t let them slack up on the time they devote to homework and practicing their instruments.

When one of her daughters had trouble on an arithmetic test and told her mother how much she hated math, Chua immersed the girl in practice tests and drills. The extra time spent on the subject paid off – she aced her next test and decided she liked math after all.

“It’s part of a parent’s job to help their child see what they’re capable of,” Chua said.

According to studies by psychologist K. Anders Ericsson, mastery is accomplished by spending 10,000 hours at something. The world’s top musicians, artists, athletes and scientists have both innate talent and the discipline to practice their craft hours each day from a young age into adulthood. Natural talent alone is not enough to become elite.

Some might say forcing a child into a rigid schedule is too strict. But allowing a child to waste time, get poor grades and quit at sports and activities is a formula for failure, the tiger mothers would say.

 

 

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A Penny Saved and Earned: Teaching Kids About Money

As adults, we’ve set a bad example for our kids when it comes to money. Let’s face it, we ran up our credit cards, we bought things we didn’t need, we pulled equity out of our homes or bought more home than we could afford.

It’s never too late to change our ways, and it’s also a good time to teach children responsible money management. Here are some suggestions:

• A good age to begin giving an allowance is when a child is six, when they are able to count and understand it takes money to buy things. A rule of thumb is to give $1 for every year of age. Or give a child an allowance based on what they typically spend in a week on treats, toys, outings, etc., within reason. Pay the child the same day each week, like a “pay day.”

• There are different opinions whether to tie the allowance to performing age-appropriate household chores. Some like the idea of teaching kids to earn money by working. Others think kids should do chores because it is simply part of being in a family. Some parents pay certain fees for jobs over and above the norm, such as raking leaves, shoveling snow or wiping down baseboards and window blinds.

• Teach your child to save 10 percent, give 10 percent to charity, with the rest available for spending or additional savings. Talk to the child about goal setting, such as saving up for a favorite video game or toy, or toward a major purchase such as a car or college. This applies to allowance money as well as gift money they may receive for birthdays, holidays and special occasions.

• Resist the urge to dig into your pocket if your child has already spent their allowance. They can learn there are consequences for spending money on impulse and not having it later.

 

 

 

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Adopting an Addicted Child

The decision to adopt is not one that any parent takes lightly. To open your life, home, and heart to a child that needs a caring home life is a choice that takes time. If the child you wish to fold into your family is struggling with an addiction, equipping yourself with knowledge on how to approach this new relationship is the best thing you can do.

Underlying factors surrounding childhood addiction may follow in a layered effect. Dealing with abandonment issues or low-self esteem may cause a child to seek escape from their situation. Peer pressure may also strongly come into play. The desire to fit in can be all the more important to a child who is without a concrete family.

Some children are unfortunately born to parents who are drug addicts. This places an array of developmental issues in their laps. Social interaction between the child and peers may be more challenging, placing them in a situation where peer pressure or feelings of isolation hold strong. To an adopted child, who may have been passed through foster care, the desire to be a part of a group can be overwhelming. If the child in question has been a victim of any form of abuse, self esteem issues or potential for depression may steer them towards addiction.

Drugs take a toll on the physical and emotional body. A child, still developing their physical and cognitive functions is at risk to develop mental health issues. Many mind-altering chemicals affect the body’s neurological system and directly interact with the brain. There have been many research studies that show a child’s cognitive development is greatly affected by their environment.

Placing the proper assistance at your reach is an invaluable key to understanding, as well as coping with, the struggles surrounding a child with an addiction. When seeking help, ask all the questions you need. You can find a lot of answers at TheCyn.com.

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Understanding Permissive Parenting Style

Permissive parenting style is one of the popular parenting styles that have received a lot of approval. Raising a child is very difficult and parents need to find a suitable style that suits their children. There are many styles and permissive is one among them. In permissive or indulgent style, no demands are imposed on the children when they grow up. Parents are completely responsible for their children’s wants and they have to spend quality time with their children.

In this style, parents do not control or teach their children to behave in an appropriate manner. There are pros and cons in this style and the upside of this type is that children learn to be independent and get ready to make their own decisions. The downside is that the child can become a spoilt brat. The parents shower their children with attention and love and never reprimand on their child behavior.

Parents following this style believe that the child should be given full freedom to take their own decision and as a parent they should strongly support them. There are no definite rules and parameters set in this type of parenting. The most negative effect of this style is that the child will not be able to differentiate between the right and wrong behavior and their parents too never correct them. Also, the children even think that the whole world will treat them in the same manner as that of their parents.

Often, children of this parenting style show tantrums and behave in an extremely outrageous manner. This particular style of parenting is very much suitable for introvert and shy kids as this help them in growing as an individual. This style is not suitable for rebellious kids. All types of parenting style have its own pros and cons, and it is very important to choose a style that suits their kids. As a parent, it is equally important to teach children their responsibly and behavior, other than showering them with love.

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