Parenting

Steps to End a Semi-Open Adoption

In some semi-open adoption situations, it may become necessary to close that relationship. Whether it is that the relationship is in someway harmful to the child, or some reason, if it is in the best interest of the child, you should close the adoption. This is not a decision to be entered in lightly, as the birth mother was ensured a semi-open adoption. However, here are the steps you may need to follow for closing the adoption.

Make a list of the reasons for this closure. Be sure to outline why this is the best choice for the child.

Closely examine your reasoning for this action. Make sure that the action is necessary. You will need to justify why you are breaking the open adoption agreement with the birth mother.

Consider any available alternatives. For example, if correspondence from the birth mother could be harmful, you could state that you will no longer receive letters from her, however, you will still continue to send pictures and updates to here.

Talk over your decision with the adoption intermediary.

Send correspondence to the birth mother explaining your decision. If the decision is based on some action by the birth mother, explain what steps she can take to reverse the situation.

Stop all communications. Once the communication and correspondence ends, the adoption becomes a closed one.

Make sure that you explain your decision thoroughly to your child. Your child will naturally have some questions about your decisions, and you should be prepared to explain them.

Filed Under: Adoption, Family, Parenting Tagged With: Adoption, Family, Mother

The Final Adoption Processes

Majlis Akikah & Cukur Rambut Razeeq Danish #248

Image by Roslan Tangah (aka Rasso) via Flickr

Adopting a child can be a long and arduous process. Both sets of parents — the birth parents and the adoptive parents — have worked closely to make sure that the adoption has followed all the correct guidelines and laws. When the papers are finalized and filed with the court, the process is one step closer to finality.

There are, however, some states that allow a period of time to pass where the birth parents can revoke the adoption, even after the papers are finalized. Even if the birth parents do revoke consent, this does not mean the child goes to the birth parents. In actuality, it just means that the process goes back to the court system. A judge will then make the determination as to the child’s placement.

The finalized papers are one part of the process; but many states have a detailed list or process that still needs to be completed. While this process — called a completion process — varies from state to state, adoptive parents should be prepared to follow more steps and processes, other than just signing on the bottom line.

Once the final papers are processed, the new parents need to file for a birth certificate for their new child. This new certificate will have the adoptive parents as the adopted child’s legal parents. The majority of states require that parents apply for this new certificate immediately after the adoption is final.

After all the paperwork is filed and completed, signed and sealed, the next step is for the new parents and their child settle in and adjust to their new lives.

Filed Under: Adoption, Family, Parenting Tagged With: Adoption, Family, Parent

Understanding Adoption Records

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Some people think that adoption records are a strange and mysterious thing. Many of us also wonder what is included in these papers, as well as what their function is. Basically, these records contain all the paperwork regarding an adoption. These are the legal records of the adoption and are designed to protect everyone involved in the process. While controversial, most states have laws to keep these types of records sealed. This means that the public and even the people involved in the adoption cannot access these records.

During the adoption process, a judge will review the paperwork submitted to ensure that the law was followed correctly during parental termination and the granting of custody to the adoptive parents.

These records usually include items such as the original birth certificate of the child, information about both the birth and adoptive parents and records of the termination of parental rights. The records will also include the petition of adoption and the final adoption degree.

These records are put into place to try to make sure that all rights of all parties are protected. Birth parents should not have their parental rights taken away without the proper due process. Additionally, adoptive parents must be secure knowing that the adoption is forever and cannot be rescinded.

However, because so many of these records are seals, adult adoptees may not have access to the most basic information about themselves. This can be a detriment in some cases, such as background health conditions of birth parents that may be affecting the individual.

Filed Under: Adoption, Family, Parenting Tagged With: Adoption, Law, Parent

Improving Your Parenting Skills

Being a parent can be a very rewarding experience, but at times it can be very difficult and stressful. All parents ask themselves at one point how they can be a better parent. When it comes to parenting, there is always room for improvement.

One of the things you need to do as a parent is spending quality time with your children. Improving your relationship with your child simply by spending time with them can greatly impact the way they grow up and can change their view on life. When they have your attention, they feel more loved and will be able to build healthy relationships with other people in their lives as well. It will also help with their confidence as they get older.

Learn all about your child. What their interests are, what their talents and hobbies are, sports they like to play, etc. By being involved with your child’s interests and sharing the things they like to do, you are becoming a better parent. The little things often mean the most, especially to children.

Listen to your child and make communication a constant daily thing. By communicating and making time for your child, they will feel more comfortable and they will be more likely to come to your with their problems as they get older. Listen to what they have to say and let them express themselves. Set rules for your children, not to punish them, but to protect them. They may not like the rules, but they will thank you later in life.

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: Child, Family, Parent

Being A New Mom

When you become a new parent, you are entering a whole new world. Being a new mom can be very stressful and at times you can forget to take care of yourself. One thing you need to remember when you have a baby is not only taking care of the baby, but taking care of yourself as well.

Remember to shower every morning. When you take a shower, you feel clean and relaxed and every mother needs to feel this at least once a day. Do not underestimate the effects a hot shower will have in the morning. It will help you feel fresh and ready for the new day.

Taking a walk is a great activity to do when you are a new mother. This will help clear your head, keep you healthy, and relax you when you are having a tough day. Taking your baby out in the stroller can help the baby feel relaxed as well.

When you are having a tough week, consider getting a baby sitter for the day. Sometimes you need some time to yourself. Take the night off every once in a while to go have some fun. When you are a new mother, parenting takes priority over everything, however, do not forget about your friends. Take the time to spend time with the people you are close to. They can also help you out when you need it. Turn to your family and friends when you need help. Have a positive attitude; there is no such thing as a perfect parent.

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: Babysitting, Mother, Parent

Adjusting To The Changes Of Parenthood

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Becoming a parent is a very exciting experience, but many people do not realize that there are major concession that will be required in order to satisfy this role. The days of going out in an impromptu manner, or staying up late is now an event that will take planning and coordination. There are also the other tolls that are taken such as the emotional transition from single life to parenthood. There are many resources available to help people prepare for the changes that they will face while being a new parent, but there is no better life lesson than experience and trial and error.

What To Look Forward To

There are many ways to mentally prepare for the change that comes with a new member of the family, but until it is lived it cannot fully be understood. In fact, for the first year parents go through a post-pardum window. This is regardless of a birth or an adoption, and it is a time of adjustment. This does not have to mean that depression or other negative mental affects are in place, it just means that there is a time of mental reconciliation that life will forever be changed through this significant addition.

The physical adjustment also take a toll on parents. The lack of sleep and time to workout can make the experience doubly difficult. It is important that new parents take time for themselves, to be selfish so to speak, in order to maintain a healthy lifestyle, and adult activities.

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: Family, Health, Parent

Parenting: Diffusing Sibling Squabbles

MOM! The word you couldn’t wait for your baby to say and your squabbling kids to forget. Another day has begun and within minutes the kids are fighting over who can play with a toy first, who has control over the remote, or who is bugging who.

Fighting is normal and as children learn to resolve conflicts, they gain the life skills of compromise and corporation. That’s great for the future, but how can you resolve things now?

Here are a few key tips:

Set house rules, discuss behavior expectations, and consequences

Set up the house rules and post them on the refrigerator or bulletin board. When a squabble occurs, reiterate the rules, and be prepared for follow through of consequences. They will soon learn that fighting over something will result in the loss of a privilege and discourage certain behaviors.

Diffuse the situation

If they are fighting about a TV program, turn off the TV and make them find something else to do. Fighting over who gets to go first, have them pick a card and the one with the highest card goes first. Nothing stops a fight quicker than saying that you are going to separate them if they can’t play nice as siblings are each other’s best pals.

Separate them

There is nothing wrong with a little bit of alone time. Place each child in a separate room for a designated amount of time to distress, reflect, and decompress.

Do nothing

If the kids are not doing anything dangerous or hurting each other, sometimes doing nothing and having them resolve their own battles is best.

Praise good behavior

Nothing builds or encourages sibling relationship better than praise when they are doing things right. Positive attention enforces pleasant actions and enjoyment of sibling time together.

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: Family, Parent, Sibling

Parenting: Developing Healthy Habits

Obesity in children under the age of 18 is on the rise. If actions are not taken, a child can suffer from the same issues as adults; diabetes, cardiovascular disease, asthma, sleep apnea, and high levels of social discrimination.

It is never too early or too late to introduce healthy habits in your household that all members of your family can follow.

Eating Habits

Encourage healthy eating habits:

Serve vegetables, fruits, and whole grains at each meal
Select foods with proteins such as lean meats, fish, poultry, and beans
Learn proper portion sizes
Drink lots of water
Include low-fat dairy and milk products
Stick to 100 calorie healthy snacks
Limit beverages sweetened with sugar or fructose
Limit the consumption of salt, sugar, and saturated fats
Encourage slow eating for digestion
Involve the family in food shopping and preparation
Discourage mindless eating and forbid eating in front of the TV or computer
Avoid using food as a reward or punishment

Heath Habits

Keeping active helps to maintain and strengthen healthy bones, reduces stress and anxiety, decreases blood pressure, increases self-esteem and mood, and aids with weight management.

Reduce a sedentary lifestyle and encourage healthy habits:

Limit the amount of time in front of the TV or computer
Include moderate intense activities such as swimming, dancing, jumping rope, soccer, and running
Include low intense activities such as ball throwing, strength training, stretching, and walking
Create family time that involve bowling, bike riding, nature walks and hikes, and rollerblading
Encourage children to join after school programs which include team and individual sports, gymnastics, cheerleading, and anything else that keeps them physically active

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: Eating, Health, Saturated fat

Parenting: Understanding Teen Depression

Your child has announced they are dropping out of an activity that they love, adding to a list of behavioral changes you have noticed in the past few weeks. You become worried your child is depressed and may even consider suicide. How can a parent identity the signs of depression and know when to get help?

Symptoms

Sadness for no apparent reason is the top symptom for teen depression. Other symptoms include:

Helplessness
Anger
Anxiety
Withdrawal from friends and activities
Lack of self-esteem
Worthlessness
Lack of concentration
Changes in habits including sleeping, eating, and hygiene
Substance or physical abuse
Suicidal thoughts and tendencies

Parental Actions

Most parents are worried about jumping to conclusions and later regret they did nothing. If your teen shows one or more of the above symptoms, take action by having your child examined by a doctor for a depression diagnosis.

Based on the evaluation, the doctor can determine the proper action. This may include placing the teen on medicine which relieves the symptoms along with requiring therapy and counseling to learn to managing and coping skills. Studies have shown that teaching positive thinking and the skills to alleviate negative thoughts aid in the prevention and escalation of depression in at-risk teens.

Make sure you get involved as a family by going to group therapy. It teaches the teen and his family about depression, the signs to look for, and how to gain the coping skills to aid with mood and behavior challenges.

The most important thing a parent can do is be a good listener. When your teen approaches you to talk, put advice and any prejudices on the backburner and just listen, love, and support while they uncover their problems.

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: Depression, Symptom, Teen Depression

Parenting: Toddler Discipline Issues and Resolution Strategies

Toddlers have little self control and a lack of rational thinking processes. They want to assert their new found independence now that they can walk and are beginning to discover themselves as individuals.

The problem is that they have a limit to their ability for communication and reasoning, but are aware that their actions can make things happen. Cry and throw a temper tantrum could mean a lollipop from a store owner or a new toy bought by mommy.

Here are a few strategies to make things a bit easier for you and the child:

Be consistent with routine and actions

Toddlers require structure and predictability to their routine as it creates a sense of safety and security. This in turn tends to make them calmer and more behaved as they now what to expect. Have set naptimes, bedtimes, meal schedules, and even play schedules.

Avoid stressful and trigger situations

The most common trigger situations are hunger, tiredness, and a change of routine. If you know that a routine is going to be changed due to scheduling conflict or even a vacation, prepare the child ahead of time. Let them know that sitter Sally is not coming, but instead sitter Susie will be there. Invite the sitter to come early to meet the entire family and get the child adjusted before you leave for the day.

A toddler is not a mini-adult

You may need to explain things to them multi times like how to follow directions or act appropriately. Sometimes you need to empathize with them without coddling, when they don’t want to sit in their car seat or stroller.

Practice patience and self control

When a situation becomes out of hand and you lose your cool, then the problem gets ten times worse. Practice remaining in control of the situation and don’t let the child manipulate the situation. Showing no emotion while they cry for toy in a store makes them realize their action does not give them a parental reaction.

Pick your battles

Know the difference between when it is better to be stringent and when it is okay to give in.

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: Child, Tantrum, Toddler