Steps to End a Semi-Open Adoption

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In some semi-open adoption situations, it may become necessary to close that relationship. Whether it is that the relationship is in someway harmful to the child, or some reason, if it is in the best interest of the child, you should close the adoption. This is not a decision to be entered in lightly, as the birth mother was ensured a semi-open adoption. However, here are the steps you may need to follow for closing the adoption.

Make a list of the reasons for this closure. Be sure to outline why this is the best choice for the child.

Closely examine your reasoning for this action. Make sure that the action is necessary. You will need to justify why you are breaking the open adoption agreement with the birth mother.

Consider any available alternatives. For example, if correspondence from the birth mother could be harmful, you could state that you will no longer receive letters from her, however, you will still continue to send pictures and updates to here.

Talk over your decision with the adoption intermediary.

Send correspondence to the birth mother explaining your decision. If the decision is based on some action by the birth mother, explain what steps she can take to reverse the situation.

Stop all communications. Once the communication and correspondence ends, the adoption becomes a closed one.

Make sure that you explain your decision thoroughly to your child. Your child will naturally have some questions about your decisions, and you should be prepared to explain them.

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The Final Adoption Processes

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Adopting a child can be a long and arduous process. Both sets of parents — the birth parents and the adoptive parents — have worked closely to make sure that the adoption has followed all the correct guidelines and laws. When the papers are finalized and filed with the court, the process is one step closer to finality.

There are, however, some states that allow a period of time to pass where the birth parents can revoke the adoption, even after the papers are finalized. Even if the birth parents do revoke consent, this does not mean the child goes to the birth parents. In actuality, it just means that the process goes back to the court system. A judge will then make the determination as to the child’s placement.

The finalized papers are one part of the process; but many states have a detailed list or process that still needs to be completed. While this process — called a completion process — varies from state to state, adoptive parents should be prepared to follow more steps and processes, other than just signing on the bottom line.

Once the final papers are processed, the new parents need to file for a birth certificate for their new child.  This new certificate will have the adoptive parents as the adopted child’s legal parents. The majority of states require that parents apply for this new certificate immediately after the adoption is final.

After all the paperwork is filed and completed, signed and sealed, the next step is for the new parents and their child settle in and adjust to their new lives.

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Understanding Adoption Records

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Some people think that adoption records are a strange and mysterious thing. Many of us also wonder what is included in these papers, as well as what their function is. Basically, these records contain all the paperwork regarding an adoption. These are the legal records of the adoption and are designed to protect everyone involved in the process. While controversial, most states have laws to keep these types of records sealed. This means that the public and even the people involved in the adoption cannot access these records.

During the adoption process, a judge will review the paperwork submitted to ensure that the law was followed correctly during parental termination and the granting of custody to the adoptive parents.

These records usually include items such as the original birth certificate of the child, information about both the birth and adoptive parents and records of the termination of parental rights. The records will also include the petition of adoption and the final adoption degree.

These records are put into place to try to make sure that all rights of all parties are protected. Birth parents should not have their parental rights taken away without the proper due process. Additionally, adoptive parents must be secure knowing that the adoption is forever and cannot be rescinded.

However, because so many of these records are seals, adult adoptees may not have access to the most basic information about themselves. This can be a detriment in some cases, such as background health conditions of birth parents that may be affecting the individual.

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Parenting: A Pre-schooler’s Emotional Development

A parent plays an important role in a child’s emotional development. The child develops a sense of himself and others and gets clues to the way the world works through the relationship with his caregiver. A responsive and consistent relationship helps to build a positive attachment that supports healthy emotional development and forms the foundation for early childhood mental health.

An infant’s emotional attachment to his parents is apparent when displaying distress when separated from his caregiver or showing wariness of strangers.  At pre-school age, the child is able to identify many emotions in himself and others, often times empathizing when another child gets hurt by comforting with a hug or sharing a toy.

Emotional development in children is more than how the specific child is doing. The key to a healthy emotional development is how well the parent’s style of parenting and interaction fits the interactive style and emotional needs of the child. A demanding or high strung caregiver has a more challenging time trying to develop an emotional and secure relationship with a fussy or highly irritable infant.

Of equal importance is the emotional state of the caregiver.  A child is affect by the overall mental state of the caregiver and how they react to everyday situations.  If a mother is always worried about cleanliness, stringent schedules, and rules then the child emulates these tendencies and can become panicked when things are not in order. Children take the life lessons from home and model the behavior which can include positive things such as compromising, sharing, and taking turns. They can also learn the negative such as panic, fear, indifference, and perfectionism since emotional development is tied to the way a child sees himself and the world.

A child’s emotional reaction is based on his interpretation of situations or life experiences, which is how he learns the emotions empathy, pride, shame, and guilt.

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Cyber Safety for Families

For parents, the internet is a double-edged sword. It’s an essential tool and a window to the world for their children. On the other hand, it poses risks to family and home.

Stories abound of kids visiting pornographic sites that they have no business seeing at their age, of children disclosing personal information online that can be used by predators to locate them, or developing a crush on a stranger online and running off to meet their new “friend.”  

Here are some ways parents can protect their children from cyberspace dangers:

• Have ongoing conversations with your kids about personal safety. This includes not just online situations, but real life as well. Talk about being aware of your surroundings and listening to your gut instinct if something doesn’t seem right. Talk to them about avoiding dangerous situations. Discuss privacy and boundaries. Teach them about the “grooming” process that predators use to gain trust, manipulate and lure children into their clutches. Let them know you’re there to talk about any questions or concerns they may have and they don’t need to turn to strangers on the internet.

• Set up rules of the road. Let the kids know the type of sites they can and cannot view. Teach them not to send out identifying information and to check with you before filling out forms that request personal information.

• Keep the PC in a common area so everyone can see what’s on the monitor. If the child is using a laptop in their room, set a rule that the door must be open. They’ll know you can walk by and check on them at any moment.

• Set up blockers and parental controls on your computer. You may even want to purchase and install family safety software like McGruff SafeGuard that monitors all website visits, tracks total hours spent online, can be monitored remotely and sends alerts to your email if potentially dangerous activities are detected.

 

 

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Family Safety through Natural Disasters

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Families often encounter stressful financial experiences, which can put a lot of strain on relationships. Natural disasters are just one way that unexpected expenses can arise, since they can cause severe damage to homes, automobiles, and individuals, all requiring expensive care and repair in order to fix the problems. A fire can strike a home in an instant, often due to an unattended flame or fire hazard in the home, which are completely accidental, but the after-effects can be staggering. If the fire occurs when no one is in the home, it can virtually destroy the entire foundation and everything within the home, which can cost thousands of dollars to repair and replenish. Some things, such as photos and memorabilia, can be very difficult or impossible to replace. If the fire occurs while residents are asleep or they cannot get out in time, the medical bills to help ventilate the body and repair the burn damage can be devastating. Other natural disasters, such as hurricanes, tornadoes, and storms, can also cause great damage to a home or family, and all of these things will require a great deal of extra money to repair the damage.

Most people do not have a lot of extra money available in the case of such events. A payday loan from a company like GreatPlainsLending can provide a way for these repairs to be done quickly, eliminating the additional costs from having holes in the walls or windows, or injuries that go untreated. The process is easy: applicants can fill out all necessary information online and receive the funds into their checking account by the next business day, eliminating the long wait time that sometimes comes through obtaining funds through a local bank. Parents can rest assured knowing that their family will be well cared for in the event that there is an unavoidable emergency that strikes the home.

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Good Home Training Lasts A Lifetime

What are key success factors in life? Most are things we learn when we’re reared in a good home.

As children we may feel we’re being unfairly criticized, corrected and nagged. But as adults on our own we grow to appreciate the lessons that were instilled in us. People who don’t learn these simple but important ways of being are likely to find themselves at odds with others and not getting very far in life.

Here are some important skills we learn from our parents:

• Good manners. There is so much rudeness and aggressiveness in our society that being civil and gracious really stands out. Good manners means helping others feel comfortable, being considerate of others, being supportive, using polite language and saying these magic words: please, pardon me, I’m sorry and thank you.

• Listening skills. You can learn a lot by listening. You also gain people’s friendship and respect. Listening includes focusing on what the other person is saying, indicating you understand, or asking questions for more clarification.

• Common sense. Having discretion and good judgment will take you far in life. You’ll avoid foolish choices and bad situations. For example, it’s better to put gas in the car when it’s at a quarter tank rather than to continuing on as long as possible and then running out of gas on a dark, isolated road.

• Taking care of our things. The old adage “waste not, want not,” is true. Being respectful and careful with our things means they will last longer and break down less. A bicycle that’s brought in out of the rain and snow won’t rust. A car that’s well maintained will get better gas mileage, have fewer problems and will last for years.

• Being tidy and organized. When we have things in their proper places we can find them more easily and there’s less clutter about. Disorganization can zap your time and energy.

 

 

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When Nana and Papa Become Mom and Dad: Census Data Shows More Grandparents Raising Their Grandchildren

According to 2010 U.S. Census data, there has been an increase in the number of grandparents raising their grandchildren during the past decade. The Census reports 4.9 million children (seven percent of all U.S. children), are depending on their grandparents for hearth and home, up from 4.5 million in 2000.

A number of factors contribute to this phenomenon. Certainly the poor economy, loss of jobs and homes has played a large part. There are growing numbers of parents addicted to drugs and alcohol or in prison who cannot take care of their children, causing grandparents to step in. Other circumstances include parents killed in domestic violence situations and those who die of HIV/AIDS. Another factor is parents in the military being away for long periods or getting killed in a war zone.

While some grandparents legally adopt the children, others assume guardianship or live with the children in informal arrangements. In most cases, the grandparents never anticipated they would be responsible for young children. The new circumstances can bring both joys and challenges.

Most grandparents who take in their grandchildren do it to keep the family intact rather than allowing the kids to go into the foster system. Keeping the kids maintains their ties to relatives. Caring for children also can give seniors a sense of purpose and new social connections with schools, parents and the children’s friends.

On the other hand, if the grandparents are still in the workforce they may have to make child care arrangements; some find it necessary to retire early in order to care for the children. Those already retired may find their fixed incomes stretched to the limit and may not know how to access resources. They may have health conditions that make it more difficult to keep up with energetic youngsters. Studies show that, unfortunately, many seniors neglect their own health in order to care for grandchildren.

AARP (aarp.org) offers resources and assistance for seniors caring for grandchildren.

 

 

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Dinner Time is Family Time

Successful parents often say one of the most important things they do is sit down and have dinner together several nights a week. It’s not always possible because of activities and schedules, but it can be a priority that the family get together to share dinner three or four times each week.

Here are some important lessons children can learn during a family dinner:

• Helping prepare food. When kids are old enough, they can perform small tasks, like washing and tearing up lettuce leaves for a salad, peeling potatoes, shucking corn or removing the tails from pre-cooked shrimp. Older children are capable of much more, with proper supervision, such as creating and stirring sauces over the stove, preparing instant rice in the microwave and chopping vegetables.

• Helping set the table. Depending on their age, kids can learn where things are stored in the kitchen and set plates, cups, flatware, napkins and condiments on the table. Older children can pour drinks into the cups and help carry entrees from the kitchen to set on the table.

• Giving thanks. No matter what a family’s religious affiliation, it’s beneficial to stop and give a prayer of thanks before dinner, to be grateful for the blessings in life and for the food.

• Proper table manners. Children can learn dining etiquette, like sitting up straight and keeping their elbows off of the table. They can learn to properly use utensils, not touch food with their fingers (unless it’s finger food or bread), to ask politely for items to be passed to them and to ask to be excused before leaving the table.

• Conversation and listening skills. Ideally, family members are given the opportunity to share something about their day or something on their mind. The family uses active listening skills, which means focusing on what is being said, and not interrupting.

• Clean up. Everyone can help load the dishwasher and put things away.

 

 

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A More Meaningful Family Vacation

Next time you’re planning a family vacation, consider visiting a national park or historic site. You’ll be exposing your children to U.S. culture and heritage, and they’ll learn about people and events from long ago.

Although theme parks and beaches are great, there’s something special about spending time with such natural marvels as the Grand Canyon or the Redwood Forest. There has never been a city or manmade structure as breathtaking as the Grand Teton Mountains, or as wondrous as America’s first national park, Yellowstone.

Families can take in a park on their own terms, going to visitor centers, driving along the main routes, enjoying the scenery, hiking along self-guided trails and watching wildlife.

With more planning and research, however, these trips can include time spent looking at exhibits and going on field trips with rangers or authorized guides where the family can learn about the history, geography, flora and fauna of the region. Rangers can show visitors some of the major features at the park, answer questions and even tell stories around a campfire.

The National Park Service website (www.nps.gov) has an abundance of resources to help plan a visit to the national park of your choice. You can select a state to find out which parks are there, and look up information about accommodations, entrance fees, safety guidelines, activities and helpful planning checklists.

Battlefields and historic sites also have a lot to offer families. Whether it’s a civil war battlefield, the birthplace of a founding father or an aviation museum with wooden biplanes from WWI, children can learn about historic figures and happenings of long ago that shaped our nation. Many places have volunteers who dress up in period garb and represent historic characters, telling their stories to make history come alive.

Children can take pictures and videos and keep a daily journal of their adventures. Each evening the family can talk about what they’ve seen and share their favorite moments.

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